And as soon as it’s quiet you are reduced to a thimble.
Find all you can to busy-up your mind.
It’s messy in there and you’d rather not turn on the light.
2016 has been without a doubt the biggest year of growth for me. It’s funny that, on one hand, New Year’s Eve is just another day, and tomorrow, just another.
Yet I tend to get all introspective. I ask myself a lot of questions – “what did you do?”, “was it enough?”, “what are you going to do next?”, “where are you going?”. Low and behold, today I awoke in the most unsettled manner (after an ironically more gentle shake-awake from a Bali earthquake tremor yesterday) asking myself what my purpose was, and where I was in terms of fulfilling that. Sheeez. I don’t know the answer to that. But hey, I actually don’t need to.
All this questioning started as lashing out at someone else, before moving to self-doubt and uncertainty of self-worth.
Warm tears and hot conversations had me in a heap. And after being pummelled open and soothed by Teganungan waterfall in Ubud yesterday, my chest felt full of the heavy mud brewing beneath it.
It’s interesting that we often try to hold onto that emotion, that feeling, and ultimately the drama. But it’s really a choice. A choice to say “this feeling doesn’t belong here anymore” and a choice to shift it. This took me hours. But I got there. And I feel light again, and much more level-headed.
Perfectly, I was reminded of a place my parents had suggested I visit in Ubud. Pyramids of Chi.
We were lucky enough to take part in a sound and energy healing session, with ancient instruments today. We also were given a tour through the grounds of this incredible place. There is much to be said about all of this, and in general, about the vibe in Ubud, (which has indeed changed, but is still special). That’s for another post.
Bring on the next few hours, and the beginning of a new year tomorrow. I’m incredibly grateful for the challenges, love, opportunity and growth that has come my way this year, and for the beautiful people – new and old – that shine so bright in my universe. Here’s to you.
2017, I’m ready for you.
– mandala for self empowerment by Christine Rainbird (original print purchased in Ubud).